Our Expanding Family

So our little family is growing! We are expecting another little bundle of joy! This has happening a lot faster then we thought it would but it's really happening! So I thought I would share my story on finding out.

One morning I decided to do a pregnancy test, only because that weekend we had my brothers engagement party and I wanted to check if I was all clear to enjoy a drink or two. I was not expecting it to be positive at all, it took 12 months of trying to fall pregnant with G so I thought it would be the same time frame the second time round. I was wrong, it only took 2 months of trying! I was sitting on the loo half asleep thinking I would only see one line on the stick, but there were two, very blue lines! I had my glasses on so I knew I didn't have double vision on the go. I rushed into our bedroom to tell Mark, I remembered from last time when I told him I was a crying blubbering mess so I made sure I went into the room as calmly as I could with the double lined stick and told him. He was so excited about being a dad a second time round, it was so nice to see. I had no time to process what had just happened as G woke up. 

Once it sunk in I didn't have that excited feeling like I did with G, I went straight to the negatives. Which I felt terrible about, Mark was so excited and I wasn't. Don't get me wrong I'm very grateful we can even have babies naturally and not need any help for it to happen but I was freaking out. 

All these thoughts went through my head like can I do the new born stage again and with another child who also needs a lot of attention? Will I be able to give both of them enough love that they both need and deserve? Will I have enough love to give Mark as well? How will I function on limited sleep? What stage will Georgia be going through at 16 months old? How will I go with having another cesarean? And a million other questions! But my biggest fear was not being able to give enough of my love to two tiny humans.

And even now being 18 weeks pregnant I still feel like someone is going to tell me that the pregnancy test, blood tests and ultrasounds were all wrong & I'm just getting fat, not growing a tiny human inside me! I haven't bought or organised one single thing yet, which last time I was pretty much sorted or had done all my research and knew what I wanted. I think I'm still waiting for someone to tell me it isn't real! 

Another thing that was different the second time around is the people around us are different. Some peoples reactions to finding out caught me off guard, and I was a bit disappointed with. And with the first pregnancy people, especially women always asked how I was going and said hello to my ever expanding belly, but this time I rarely get asked, in fact they even forget! I'm not writing this in hoping friends and family will read this and do these things it is purely an observation which stood out for me. 

I am working on getting out of this negative mindset I've somehow got myself into and I am excited about adding to our family I'm scared of what I know to expect and what I don't know what to expect at the same time!

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