Feeling like a bad Mum

I wasn't going to share this story, for the fear of being judged or people thinking I was a bad Mum, but if this was to happen to another Mum and bub I would want you to know that these things do happen and how you're feeling, I totally understand. 

Last Friday morning I was frantically running around packing Georgia's day care bag, giving the girls breakfast, getting them dressed, putting on a load of washing, doing dishes...basically thinking I was super woman, trying to get everything done. I felt frazzled, I felt like there were to many things to do and not enough of me to go around, so I was already in a overwhelmed head space. Georgia has started toilet training, so before getting into the car to go to day care I needed to get her to do a wee. 

I placed Lauren in the middle of our bed, like I've done heaps of times before. I then went into our en-suite with Georgia to help her onto the toilet, she did a wee and as I was helping her put her undies back on I look up and see Lauren fall off our bed face first onto the floor. Our bed is pretty high so it was a decent drop. She instantly started screaming, I stopped helping Georgia with her undies and quickly picked Lauren up and cuddled her. She wouldn't stop screaming for the longest time. It was that heart breaking devastated cry, which Georgia joined in with as she was worried for Lauren. It took her a long time to calm down, which is to be expected. It just made all the pressure I put on myself to get everything done that morning seem so silly. 

Once she was calm I put the girls in the car, I was thinking of taking her to the hospital but was thinking maybe I was over reacting. As we were driving down the road I turned to look at Lauren & her nose was bleeding. I. Freaked. Out. That was it, I was definitely taking her to the hospital. I very quickly dropped Georgia at day care. Luckily for me she said she needed to wee again so the ladies rushed her to the toilet while I ran out the door.

As I was driving down to the hospital I rang Mark to let him know. It was a phone call I didn't want to make, I didn't want him thinking I couldn't look after our girls. I didn't want him to start worrying every time he had to go to work, that I couldn't do my job as a Mum. But he was great and left work straight away to meet me at the hospital. 

Once we were at the hospital they did the checks they needed to do and they said she looked well but wanted to keep her there until it had been 4 hours since she fell, to monitor her for a concussion. She was her bubbly normal self, letting out her high pitched screams and smiling at everyone. She didn't seem traumatised by what had happened at all.

Since this was an injury to a child they had a social worker come and have a chat to me. He asked me about what happened, if I have enough support at home and how I was feeling emotionally. I know this is something they have to do but geez it isn't a nice thing to go through. I already felt like I failed as a mum but then being interviewed by a social worker piles onto that. The guy was nice enough and he wasn't worried at all, which I should have known would be the outcome but in that frame of mind you do doubt yourself.

After the 4 hours was up she passed with flying colours. She was ok, we did need to watch her for another 24 hours but she ended up being fine. I think I was more scarred from the whole ordeal then what she was. 

I have never felt like a failure or that I let someone down more then I did that morning. Lauren cannot look after herself and relies on me fully to do that for her and in that moment I didn't. I should have known to not leave her on our bed unattended now she is a little wriggler. I am very aware accidents happen, it still doesn't take those feelings away. I have learned a very valuable lesson out of all of this, and just for a little while I'm wrapping my babies up in cotton wool, just to be safe. 

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